Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
