i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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