did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
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at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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