I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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