his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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