If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize