You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
