smell my finger.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
