1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
