It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
