You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
