shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
