I feel like abortions should bother me more
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize