chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
