its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
