i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
