if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
