There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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