I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
