If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
