And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
