I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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