Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
