I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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