talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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