I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
