Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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