if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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