i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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