that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
