I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
