Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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