Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
