Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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