you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
