When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
