so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
