How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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