After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
