Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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