K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have demons in me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
