I want to stick my p in your. b.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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