He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
