I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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