apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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