so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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