Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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