ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
