So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
