Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
