he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
