You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
