So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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