I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize