My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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