hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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