if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Randomize
