My balls are so social today.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
