Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
