On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
