I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
