Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
