Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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