i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
