Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
