You just made me feel so damn special
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
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so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
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